Thursday 19 September 2013

Waiting.....Hoping and Believing

I was telling Joel last week that I knew I should be updating the blog, but I wasn't sure what to write because we don't have any "updates" to report.  And he responded by telling me that that is exactly what I should write.  So- people...friends and family...we haven't had any updates lately and are asking you to pray with us for some good news soon :)  

Waiting for something positive is such a wonderfully exciting experience.  Waiting for something negative to happen on the other hand can be an extremely painful experience filled with dread and anxt.  I feel like these last few years have been a mixture of both types of waiting for us.  I have waited with such eagerness, hoping to hear good news that Sarah can finally come join our family.  I have waited with anxiousness and dread, fearing that we would find out that we could never adopt Sarah.  And I have waited with a very "cautious" heart...attempting to guard from future disappointment and to "play it safe".  
Is there a right way to wait?  Do we speak constant "words of faith" and never admit the possibility that it may not work out how we think it should....in hopes that our attitude will somehow bring about the result we want?  Do we wait with a small measure of hope, but surround that hope with lots of caution and reasoning so that we can avoid disappointment or feeling like God did not "come through" as we had thought?  
I think I have tried both of these...and neither has worked that well for me.  I am no expert on waiting, but I have learned that for me- waiting means hoping and trusting that whatever the outcome is...IT WILL BE OK.  I also am learning that hope is a beautiful thing.  Life without hope has such little joy.  I KNOW that God loves me and that He loves Sarah.  I also know that life doesn't always work out exactly how we humans wish or think it should.  But I know as I wait that God is good, He is giving me peace for each day and I love living in faith.  I do believe Sarah is supposed to join our family.  I don't know how or when, and as much as I wish I knew the answers to those questions, I can either choose to wait fearing an outcome and missing out on the joy of day to day life, or I can live each day hoping and trusting.  Marie (the director of the orphanage Sarah is living in) said that when she is unsure of whether or not she should continue forward in faith in an area in her life, she asks God to either change her heart's desire or to keep it.  We have sought to have this surrendered heart and have not felt our heart's desire change.  
It is hard to know that with each passing day we are missing out on a day of our sweet daughter's life. It is hard to have no timeline in place to "plan out our lives" (as I love to do :).  It is hard to explain to James why Sarah is still in Cambodia.  But it is a good place to be and I realize that the more I let go of trying to control how I think life should be, the more I can enjoy the life that I am given each day.  I cling to the promise that...in my weakness, God is strong :)  
And so, we will keep waiting, hoping and believing.  Please join us!










2 comments:

  1. Still praying my friend....still praying

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  2. I've nominated you for a Liebster award <3
    http://prairieheartgypsysoul.wordpress.com/2013/10/15/prairie-heart-gypsy-soul-nominated-for-the-liebster-award/

    ReplyDelete